Mehar - The Sweet Dowry
Assalamoalaikum Warahmatullahi wabarakatahu
'Mehar' (also pronounced as dainMehar) which means dowry in the Islamic tradition is an important Right of a wife in Islam,which becomes the responsibility of the husband to pay, soon after the Marriage, even if it is not mentioned in writing , It is an essential aspect, and it is assumed that there is an intention on the part of the bridegroom to pay Mehar and intention on the part of the bride to receive it. Cool Right?
A Marriage becomes annulled if the couple foregoes it, whatsoever it should be paid by the bridegroom and demanded by the bride!!!! In Islam, Marriage is a contract and Mehar is the name of that 'Right' which a wife gets from her husband. Qur'an says:
"Pay off the dowry of women willingly"(Verse No.4, Surah al Nisa)
Therefore, the person who does any injustice to his wife regarding her Mehar, should understand that he has established relationship with his wife, as one commit Zina (fornication/Adultery). A Hadith transmitted by Ali Ibn Abi Talib says:
"Allah would forgive every sin but He would not forgive the person who has usurped the Mehar of his wife".
So Basically Dainmehar is a compulsory gift which every Husband has to pay to his wife after nikah ( jurists have made this point clear that after Marriage a woman is not legal to the husband unless her dowry is paid to her. Woaaaaah :D . It can be a sum of money, house,jwellery whatever the guy can afford easily without being burdened as he has to pay it before touching his wife, you know ;)
You wouldn’t want troubling yourself with a huge sum of Mehar for sake of status and troubled arranging it.
Guidelines for fixing Mehar:
The fixing of an exorbitant and humongous amount is a practice of less learned class. Today it is very difficult for a common man to earn his livelihood. Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) and his descendants extended glorious Taleem of SIMPLICITY IN ALL PHASES OF LIFE. According to ordinary people there are many reasons for the fixation of excessive amounts of dowry. One of the reasons is:
- A girl whose dowry is of a lesser amount, is less valued. An excessive amount is sort of protection from divorce & kind of undue pressure on the husband.
Above mentioned approaches are incorrect. Infact, motivations are not fulfilled by fixing excessive amounts. The sum total of the Taleem of Islam is that the amount, which a husband pays willingly and gladly, is alone the cause of love. A Hadith says:
"The best girls of my nation are those who are beautiful and whose dowry is of fewer amounts". ("Wafi",Kitab-un-Marriage, page 15, Beirut, Lebanon).
This means that despite being beautiful the less amount of Mehar is a sign of eminence and excellence of a woman. Hmmm (Sisters You Gotta think .. )
Mehar, according to Islam is a sort of Gift which a husband should offer to the wife as a token of love and fidelity. Islam has provided dowry for the following few considerations:
Every husband should pay to his wife according to his financial status, sincerely before consummating the marriage.
It is the Talim of Islam that wife should not demand an exorbitant amount, which is literally beyond the limit of her husband. Infact i even came up with an idea although i can't use it, 'coz 'm a guy but anyways what you could ask in Mehar is something else than materialistic stuff like, Why don't you ask your "To be Hubby" to memorize a Surah (Now that Of course is out of Question if Alhamdulillah You're marrying a Hafiz but if you're not.. mean you just have to settle down with some engineer,Doctor.. you know :) And picture it in your mind where all the guests are present in the house ,and they all are happy,zeal n zest is everywhere, its the day of your Nikah and your "poor" to be husband is sitting in a corner with a Quran in His hand, memorizing surah Noor, just so that he can pay the Mehar on time :) Ohh and you can add rules as per your wish like, if you stumble on some Ayah, Gotta start from the beginning again , and please surah Baqarah,Imran dene ka nahi rahega :P ) anyways that's what i read when i was a kid,thought sharing this might help you guys with a head start to jannah, i mean won't that be an awesome start of your 1st step of completion of deen.
Now looking Back on example of Sahaba (Companions of prophet). One of the most amazing couple Hazrat Ali Radi Allahu Anhu and Fatima Zohra Radi Allahu anha.
One of the best example of Mehar is certainly that of Fatima daughter of Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) who had inquired from Ali Ibn Abi Talib as to what he has for the payment of Mehar of Fatima? Ali al Murtaza replied:
"My financial condition is very well known to you. I have one armor, one sword, and one horse only.
Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) replied:
"Sword and horse are essential for Jeh'ad,but the armor might be sold out to arrange for the payment of Mehar".
The armor of Ali was sold for 480 Dirhams and payment of Mehar of Fatima was arranged!
Now see how Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) spent the amount of 480 Dirhams. Distributing this amount, He directed his Ash'ab, to purchase following items:
1. 160 Dirhams for fragrance (Attar).
2. 160 Dirhams for clothes.
3. 066 Dirhams for house-hold goods.
4. 094 Dirhams to be saved.
Ash'ab purchased following goods:
1. One white dress
2. One head scarf
3. One Bed-sheet
4. One Lota
5. One bed made of date-skin
6. Two quilts or beddings out of which one wasstuffed with the wool of a sheep and other one was stuffed with leaves of palmtree.
7. One Mat
8. One pillow made of sheep's skin stuffed withgrass.
9. One pair of hand flour mill
10. One cup of copper
11. One leather beg for filling water
12. One tray for washing clothes
13. One pot
14. One utensil for drinking water
15. One wool curtain
16. One earthen pitcher for water
17. Two earthen cups
18. One goat skin for the floor
19. One Arabi dress
("Masnud", by: Ahmad b. Hanbal, Vol.6, pg. 207, Egypt).
When Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) observed the above items, for her beloved daughter Fatima, tears rolled down from his eyes. He offered a prayer - 'May Ahl al Bait be blessed, Bless this couple, whose property are these few utensils'.
There are a lot of more things which can be said on this topic from changing the general perception of dowry which the family of guy takes, "which actually he was supposed to give" to "Let the girl's family understand that Dainmehar can even be a simple aayat (Verse of Quraan)" and i have listened from various scholars of various school of thoughts UNANIMOUSLY that "Dahej of any sort Money, materials is HARAAM, and the child which you will be having will be... you know".
Well i won't be going there, you can ask Muftis and Aalims of your preference, verily Its Allah Alone who can Guide.
Please comment for what i missed,or said wrong(verily People make mistakes) & help me increase my knowledge.
JazakAllahu Khairan.
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