Dowry isn't the Only Hurdle for Delayed Marriages – Think about it!!

Real Ishq

In our society today, dowry is in fact a huge anaconda that is swallowing up many married lives and eating away lives of many young brides. The crave for more and more and to acquire the things which one always desired of, is leading to the seeking of more dowry.

Long time back, a maid would come for household chores at our house; she had her daughters’ marriage done by giving huge dowry. The grooms would be Auto-rickshaw mechanic, Pan-shop owner, security guard, office-boy, etc. But they opened wide mouths for dowry, asking for Honda Unicorn bike or Splendor, 100-200 gms gold, 1-2 Lakh i.e 100,000 to 200,000 Indian Rupees as ‘Jode ki Rakham – money for purchasing cloths’ (as though this person has lived all his life naked without cloths), delicious food in marriage for groom’s family, friends, acquaintances, and even those whom he met in the barber shop, the guest-list ranges from minimum 500-1500 people. To meet up all these requirements girl’s parents take loans from interest based agencies or banks and live an accursed life with head over heels in debt.

zor laga ke paisaa

Now, this is not the trait found in only below-average families, but this is more found in educated families as well. We can call them as ‘White-Collar Beggars’; their list starts with basic electronic items starting from double-door refrigerator, double-door wardrobe, heavy and expensive bed, automatic washing machine, etc., to a four wheeler, a flat and 4-5 lakh of ‘Jode ki Raqam – money for purchasing cloths’. Besides that, they choose a marriage hall and the food dishes to be made for their guests. When asked about Mahar (groom’s monetary gift to bride), they say, we have an option of giving it later, so we’ll give it later. This is the height of greed and stinginess.

Many a time, it is also seen, parents of bride are compelled out of societal pressure to give dowry; and parents of groom hunt for those kind of families where dowry is smoothly given without asking and without being noticed.

Now all the characters in this picture have their own justifying statements:
Groom says:  ‘maine mana kiya tha, yeh to mummy pappa ne decide kiya’ – I refused for all these, but my parents decided that; (as though this person is baby with a milk-bottle in his mouth, I sometimes doubt whether he is really a man or impotent).
Parents of Groom say: ‘paal-pos ke bada karey, padha likha ke khabil banaye, agar nahi linge to society me naak kat jayegi aur phir hamare aarzu armaan kaise poore honge?’ – We raised him, gave him good education and made him successful; if we don’t ask for it then we’ll be ashamed in our society, moreover how should we fulfill our desires; (as though they did a favor by raising him up by borrowing him from neighborhood).
Sometimes they shrewdly ask ‘hamara to kuch demand nahi hai, apni ladki ke liye jo dena hai do – we don’t demand anything, give whatever you feel for your daughter’.
Parents of Bride say: ‘nahi diye to log kya samjhinge, itna kamaye ladki ki shaadi me itna bhi kharch nahi karsakte – if we don’t give, people will comment; having earned a lot of money, don’t you have heart to spend’.
This is typical Indo-Pak problem which is leading to delayed marriages of girls that is resulting in increasing rates of dating, sharing pornographic material, dirty talking, live-in relations, eloping without parents’ consensus, inter-religious marriages, woman coming out for earning (though she is queen of her house) and getting exploited by male dominated society.

*******(Perspective from other side)********
  
Now other side of the story:
There are Muslim families who strictly do not encourage dowry; you can find the same in some of the Brahmins, Jains, etc. Islam strictly says no to dowry and encourages simple process of marriage, but still Muslims are influenced by other cultures and traditions so much so that they are now submerged in the quagmire of self-destruction.

There are in fact, men and women who want to get married as soon as possible to safeguard themselves from sins and live a happy and descent life. But high expectations from either sides have gotten them into more problems.

Beauty lies in soul

A man expects his would-be wife to be ‘Pari – Fairy’ or 'Husn Ki Malika - Queen of beauty' or a fashion model with very very very fair complexion, slim, tall and well educated. And the girl expects his would-be husband to be ‘Sapno ka Shahzada – Prince’ or someone like Salman Khan or Shahrukh Khan, Non-Residential Indian (NRI) this is obvious, he should own a house or flat and blah blah blah.

If girl is a Doctor or Engineer or Post graduate, her parents expect the boy should be with same qualification settled in America, United Kingdom, Australia or at least Middle-east. Their priority goes the following way in descending order:

• America
• London
• Australia (some Melbourne, Sydney or Kidney)
• Ireland
• Holland
• XYZLand
• Dubai, UAE
• Saudi Arabia
• Musqat
• Oman

If NRIs living in those countries come up with extra-demands, and when they fail to meet those, then they go for someone settled in India.

Girl sees her friends have got married to NRIs and are settled in US, UK, Saudi or Dubai and sees their pictures uploaded on Facebook ,Whatsapp or Instagram and desires her would-be husband to be from those countries and should immediately take her abroad after marriage. When she gets proposals from Indian settled religious boy, she feels uncomfortable in accepting it, because at the maximum he can take her shopping to Big-Bazar or Reliance Mart or LifestyleJ; that will be again boring for her. So she desperately needs an NRI, who should take her for a world-tour.
Her parents get obsessed listening to their relatives and acquaintances in parties that how their daughters are settled in foreign countries; so they feel ashamed to accept proposals from Indian settled boys.

Another reason, why man is afraid of getting married is of hosting grand Valima reception party; the number of dishes got to be prepared, booking a luxurious convention hall, etc. For which he accumulates money day in and day out; his family and friends make him obsessed to host grand Valima to maintain his status in the society. He is worried about hosting 3-4 varieties of Chicken dishes, mutton Biryani, fruit-salad, Qubani ka meetha, Maragh, Rumali Roti, Roasted chicken, Chicken rolls, on and on. Worried by all these things, he accumulates money by any means to host grand reception and delays his age till 35-40 years; and falls into secret habits. By the time he gets kids, he will be around 39-44; he cannot spare good amount of time to raise them, with which they find other inappropriate means of mentoring themselves. The time when children need focus, advice, tutoring and counseling from father; father is already caught up with Diabetes, High blood-pressure, etc. And he is now worried about expenses of their studies; and works hard like a bull to earn more and more money and finds no time for religious or social service. Hence living life in vain.

Now, the days are gone, when matches were searched based on meekness, piety, God consciousness, his devotion to his faith, his attachment to his religion, etc. The days are of show-offs, and pomp-shows; the matches are decided on the possessions boy has, how wealthy he is, the status he maintains in society, etc.
Dowry is in fact a great menace swallowing our society, but our check-lists with high expectations and materialistic ideas also form another greater menace that is leading to moral and ethical destruction of society resulting in delayed marriages.

Courtesy : Brother Abu Talha Zahack.